Tennis, Family Trees with no Branches, and Trolls

I walked in the bathroom this morning and found Addie clipping her finger nails in the sink. She's never really done that on her own before so I asked what she was doing.

"Clipping my nails. What do you think?," she said.  "And this is how you clip your toe nails."

She lifted up her rubbery, made-for-gymnastics leg and placed it in the sink and began clipping away like it was the most natural thing in the world.  I asked myself if that was something I could manage to do if I had ten minutes to attempt. I decided it was not.

It was one of the multiple times today my kids left me speechless, but trust me, there were many more.

Another Addie moment that left me more scared than speechless was watching her swing a tennis racquet at Dick's Sporting Goods.

I'm not sure how her tennis game will be, but I do know that you pretty much don't want to be around her when she has a racquet in her hands -- especially if you are a baby in a stroller who was not in the video but missed being hit on the head by about an inch.


Some other memorable Addie moments of the day included:

• Her outfit from this morning that screamed: I want to play tennis, but this cowgirl get-up that doesn't fit quite right may get in the way!

• The time she came into the kitchen right after lunch with a fake bouquet of flowers and said, "Chip and I are gonna get married."  I didn't realize we moved to West Virginia.

• Or when she came running in to the kitchen, while I was making lunch, with no shirt, slid on her knees and sang, "I just can't wait to be Kiiiiiiiiiiing!"

She did that about 15 times all the while Mitch was bouncing every ball known to mankind off the kitchen floor and walls and Ollie was hiding Addie's belt in the fridge.  He then took it out, placed it in his mouth and ran around the kitchen.  Apparently, it isn't the only accessory he chose to chew on today.

His socks must have that nice, sweaty
flavor babies like.

As crazy as those two were today, Chip seemed determined to top them.  He insisted on wearing some cammo boxers instead of his shorts and even, unknowingly, channeled his inner Tom Cruise by running in to the kitchen and sliding on his socks all while wearing only a t-shirt and the boxers.  When I finally made him go upstairs and put some pants on, you would have thought I told him to stay up there for the rest of his life.

"You ruined all my fun, and a chance at happiness," he said. If his idea of lifetime happiness was running around in his boxers, then he should probably move to Vegas.  How is a father even supposed to respond to a statement like that without laughing?  The answer is, he doesn't.

But it was only about 15 minutes later that he was awarded the craziness trophy for the day.  We were on our way to Wal-Mart so Chip could use a gift card, when he and Addie got in to it for only the 87th time today.  I told both of them to go sit on the couch until we were ready to leave when Chip told me, "I'm not going to sit by that ugly troll!"  Talk about not knowing what to say.  I didn't know if I should laugh, slap him, or pick up my jaw off the floor.  After I did everything except slap him, he told me he heard it on the Disney Channel, which just earned "only-on-if-parents-are-in-the-room" status.  Or as Chip would say, they are resigned to watching the cartoons and not the Disney shows with real people -- or trolls.


Jamie and I still can't seem to comprehend that he actually said that.  We've heard the both of them say some things that would have had them eating soap if this were the 60's, but "ugly troll?"  That was a first.

As the night was winding down but the kids still had the energy of a Red Bull and Vodka, I told Jamie I think I might just go hide.  Addie, in her most excited voice, immediately stopped whatever loud and obnoxious thing she was doing and asked if I wanted to go play hide-and-seek.  Sure, I told her. You go hide.

Are your kids this crazy?!