Written,
May 17, 2012
Please tell me I'm not the only one with crazy kids!
At the exact time I am writing this I am 30 years, 272 days 18 hours and 16 minutes old. That's actually pretty young. If I were a dog I would be around four-and-a-half. My wife Jamie says sometimes I act like I am. That point aside, what makes 30 seem even younger is I have three kids under seven.
Mitch, who goes by "Chip," loves soccer and driving his parents crazy by not only talking non-stop, but by analyzing the you-know-what out of everything. Oh and making sure some kind of ball is bouncing somewhere in the house at all times!
Addison turned 5 in April but is going on bitchy teenager. She can be the sweetest thing at times but her favorite phrases include "Whatever," "I hate you," and "Loser."
Oliver is 16 months. He is such a sweet little kid right now. But he has two negative things going for him: his older siblings beat the, again, you-know-what, out of him (usually unintentionally) and his birthday. He was born on Dec. 29. He already got rooked on his first birthday (we were moving in to a new house.) I can see him at 10 whining because a relative gave him one present and wrote "Happy Birthday" and "Merry Christmas" on the card. For now, though, he isn't that crazy. I'm giving him about six months after hanging with his older siblings every day.
Now that you know a little about my kids, also know this. I love them more than anything and would do anything for them. But they drive me nuts 50 percent of the time...and they sleep 33 percent of the time. Throw in the fact I'm at work 40 hours a week, and that means they are driving me crazy even when I'm not around them.
Take for instance the time Jamie told me Addie fell out of a tree and hit her head at a birthday party. The girl falls once a day while walking and even occasionally when she is just sitting in a chair...that's right, sitting! Why is she climbing a tree?!
Or the time I was living in VA waiting for my family to join me from KS. I called to talk to Jamie, and Chip answered. He told me Jamie poked Oliver's eye with a fork while feeding him and he went to the ER and currently was sporting a patch any pirate would be proud to wear (ok, he didn't say the pirate part, I was just imagining). He then hung up. I headed in to Buffalo Wild Wings to tell my buddy about it and he couldn't believe it. Finally I get a hold of Jamie and she had no idea he even said it. Come to find out he made it up because he thought it was "funny."
On the lighter, yet stinkier, side of crazy things my kids do, Addie showed off her "skills" just tonight. As I was putting her to bed, she broke wind and the proceeded to tell me she should have done that in my face, all the while laughing like an evil demon.
These are my "sweet little darlings." When I head to bed and kiss each goodnight I will think about how much I love them while remembering all three, even Oliver, yelled or hit me at some point today. Of course I question my parenting skills at times, but then I always want to know from fellow parents:
Are your kids this crazy, or is it just mine?!
Please tell me I'm not the only one with crazy kids!
At the exact time I am writing this I am 30 years, 272 days 18 hours and 16 minutes old. That's actually pretty young. If I were a dog I would be around four-and-a-half. My wife Jamie says sometimes I act like I am. That point aside, what makes 30 seem even younger is I have three kids under seven.
Mitch, who goes by "Chip," loves soccer and driving his parents crazy by not only talking non-stop, but by analyzing the you-know-what out of everything. Oh and making sure some kind of ball is bouncing somewhere in the house at all times!
Addison turned 5 in April but is going on bitchy teenager. She can be the sweetest thing at times but her favorite phrases include "Whatever," "I hate you," and "Loser."
Oliver is 16 months. He is such a sweet little kid right now. But he has two negative things going for him: his older siblings beat the, again, you-know-what, out of him (usually unintentionally) and his birthday. He was born on Dec. 29. He already got rooked on his first birthday (we were moving in to a new house.) I can see him at 10 whining because a relative gave him one present and wrote "Happy Birthday" and "Merry Christmas" on the card. For now, though, he isn't that crazy. I'm giving him about six months after hanging with his older siblings every day.
Now that you know a little about my kids, also know this. I love them more than anything and would do anything for them. But they drive me nuts 50 percent of the time...and they sleep 33 percent of the time. Throw in the fact I'm at work 40 hours a week, and that means they are driving me crazy even when I'm not around them.
Take for instance the time Jamie told me Addie fell out of a tree and hit her head at a birthday party. The girl falls once a day while walking and even occasionally when she is just sitting in a chair...that's right, sitting! Why is she climbing a tree?!
Or the time I was living in VA waiting for my family to join me from KS. I called to talk to Jamie, and Chip answered. He told me Jamie poked Oliver's eye with a fork while feeding him and he went to the ER and currently was sporting a patch any pirate would be proud to wear (ok, he didn't say the pirate part, I was just imagining). He then hung up. I headed in to Buffalo Wild Wings to tell my buddy about it and he couldn't believe it. Finally I get a hold of Jamie and she had no idea he even said it. Come to find out he made it up because he thought it was "funny."
On the lighter, yet stinkier, side of crazy things my kids do, Addie showed off her "skills" just tonight. As I was putting her to bed, she broke wind and the proceeded to tell me she should have done that in my face, all the while laughing like an evil demon.
These are my "sweet little darlings." When I head to bed and kiss each goodnight I will think about how much I love them while remembering all three, even Oliver, yelled or hit me at some point today. Of course I question my parenting skills at times, but then I always want to know from fellow parents:
Are your kids this crazy, or is it just mine?!
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