The Tooth Fairy Makes an Unplanned Visit

Losing your first tooth is supposed to be a really cool moment.  However, if you know my daughter Addison, you know she is no ordinary five-year-old. Did she feel a loose tooth and pull it out herself?  Or did we tie a string to it and wrap it around the doorknob and give it a tug?  No to both.

Instead she was copping an Addie-tude, stomped around a bit and fell and knocked her tooth loose on the hardwood floor!  After a quick trip to the dentist, the tooth was out and Addie was scheduled to make some money that night (Only Addie would turn a hissy-fit for a profit).  It wasn't ready to come out, so it was almost an inch long with the root!  It was something that would only happen to Addie, but we wouldn't have it any other way because then, it just wouldn't be our Addie.

On her way to bed that night she asked Jamie and me what the tooth fairy looked like.  When we told her we weren't actually sure, her response was to simply go to www.toothfairy.com and check her out.  If you click on the link you can see she isn't much to look at.  So it was a good thing she swooped in, dropped a dollar coin under Addie's pillow, and swooped out.  Who knows how long she will have that hole in her smile, but she will have the story forever.

I've often wondered if Addie was our first child if she would have been our only child.  Obviously Chip would not have liked that, but now I think he's lobbying for a third sibling.  He was playing with Ollie the other day and called him his "favorite brother."  I said, "He's your only brother."  Chip then chirped up with, "You don't know that, you might have more."  I immediately froze in my tracks with the thought of Norris No. 4. I won't completely rule out the tiny, minute, remote possibility it could happen, but unless Chip wants to share a room with a baby and I want to be fully gray by 32, it ain't happening any time soon.

I love my kids, but if I wanted to spend any less time with each of them I would ship them off to boarding school not have another one.  Like I said, it might happen someday, but then again, the Royals might win a World Series too.

Time to Focus on the Funny!

This is how I found Chip when I went in to the living room tonight.


A true man! If he were of age all he would need is a beer to go with the remote and he'd be set!

That's the lighter side of the weekend with the Norrises.  Any parent will tell you there are tough times with their kids and this weekend was one of those where you remind yourself you love your children unconditionally.  Because see, if you don't, you might just leave them in a Wal-Mart parking lot in 100 degree temperatures and tell them to find their way back. (In case anyone from child protective services is reading this, I constantly remind myself I love them no matter what, so that would never happen!)

Instead of harping on the negative I'll share a few of stories on the lighter side of the lovely/crazy/sometimes insane Norris children.

All three contribute to the craziness, but it's usually Addie leading the way.  The feisty five-year-old isn't afraid to say what's on her mind like she did a few mornings ago at breakfast.  I caught her listening to her bowl of Rice Crispies like any other normal child would do.  Then however, she looks at the box and tells me, 'I think Snap, Crackle and Pop are hot!'  I guess it's better than doting over Justin Beiber or Zach Efron, but at least they are real.  I didn't know SN&P had sex appeal!

A few minutes later I finished changing Ollie's diaper, and let's just say it didn't smell like roses, or even something mildly refreshing.  As I was walking toward the back door to take it to the outside bin and complaining of the odor, Addie offers a suggestion: 'Hey, why don't you just throw it in the neighbor's trash?'

Sometimes I don't know if I should cry, laugh or just pull my hair out when dealing with her.  Like when I walked in to the kitchen last week and saw her eating popcorn out of a bowl with a spoon -- for breakfast.  Or when I gave Ollie a baby wipe because he wanted to attempt to clean the floor and she said, in her trade mark sassy voice, 'You're making a baby do chores?'  (Again any child protective services readers can just ignore this part.)

Who could ever get mad at this cute little guy?
Don't let him fool you though, he can be devious.

There was other craziness this weekend as well that didn't really translate to funny at the time.  There are instances where I am mad at one of the older two and they'll say something smart-alec and it's all I can do to not laugh and give them the upper hand. Because let me tell you; once they see you smile it's over.

What wasn't a laughing matter today though was when just two bites in to my Qdoba grilled chicken burrito, Ollie apparently decided I was done with it.  He grabbed it and tossed it on the floor.  A burrito on a restaurant floor however doesn't qualify for the five-second rule. Once it hits the ground it immediately becomes a casualty of Ollie's infatuation with tossing food like a freaking frisbee!  Thirty minutes later as we are just entering "Discovering the Dinosaurs" at Richmond International Raceway, he decides he hates his pants and creates an explosion he will be proud to brag about to his other one-year-old buddies.  Luckily, Jamie took this one which only means I get the next big one!

Other craziness involved Ollie stealing a marker from Addie and wielding it around like a knife when I went to retrieve it.  Hey, he likes to color. I then found Addie using a real knife to gut open a crab the other night at a friend's house during dinner.  If you've read this blog at least once, you know the chance of that ending well is pretty much zero.

A wild week of family visits, children acting like, well, children and some normal craziness, I'm hoping the expected cooler weather this week brings some calm to our household. But, hey, if it doesn't, we could always feed them to a dinosaur!

Tennis, Family Trees with no Branches, and Trolls

I walked in the bathroom this morning and found Addie clipping her finger nails in the sink. She's never really done that on her own before so I asked what she was doing.

"Clipping my nails. What do you think?," she said.  "And this is how you clip your toe nails."

She lifted up her rubbery, made-for-gymnastics leg and placed it in the sink and began clipping away like it was the most natural thing in the world.  I asked myself if that was something I could manage to do if I had ten minutes to attempt. I decided it was not.

It was one of the multiple times today my kids left me speechless, but trust me, there were many more.

Another Addie moment that left me more scared than speechless was watching her swing a tennis racquet at Dick's Sporting Goods.

I'm not sure how her tennis game will be, but I do know that you pretty much don't want to be around her when she has a racquet in her hands -- especially if you are a baby in a stroller who was not in the video but missed being hit on the head by about an inch.


Some other memorable Addie moments of the day included:

• Her outfit from this morning that screamed: I want to play tennis, but this cowgirl get-up that doesn't fit quite right may get in the way!

• The time she came into the kitchen right after lunch with a fake bouquet of flowers and said, "Chip and I are gonna get married."  I didn't realize we moved to West Virginia.

• Or when she came running in to the kitchen, while I was making lunch, with no shirt, slid on her knees and sang, "I just can't wait to be Kiiiiiiiiiiing!"

She did that about 15 times all the while Mitch was bouncing every ball known to mankind off the kitchen floor and walls and Ollie was hiding Addie's belt in the fridge.  He then took it out, placed it in his mouth and ran around the kitchen.  Apparently, it isn't the only accessory he chose to chew on today.

His socks must have that nice, sweaty
flavor babies like.

As crazy as those two were today, Chip seemed determined to top them.  He insisted on wearing some cammo boxers instead of his shorts and even, unknowingly, channeled his inner Tom Cruise by running in to the kitchen and sliding on his socks all while wearing only a t-shirt and the boxers.  When I finally made him go upstairs and put some pants on, you would have thought I told him to stay up there for the rest of his life.

"You ruined all my fun, and a chance at happiness," he said. If his idea of lifetime happiness was running around in his boxers, then he should probably move to Vegas.  How is a father even supposed to respond to a statement like that without laughing?  The answer is, he doesn't.

But it was only about 15 minutes later that he was awarded the craziness trophy for the day.  We were on our way to Wal-Mart so Chip could use a gift card, when he and Addie got in to it for only the 87th time today.  I told both of them to go sit on the couch until we were ready to leave when Chip told me, "I'm not going to sit by that ugly troll!"  Talk about not knowing what to say.  I didn't know if I should laugh, slap him, or pick up my jaw off the floor.  After I did everything except slap him, he told me he heard it on the Disney Channel, which just earned "only-on-if-parents-are-in-the-room" status.  Or as Chip would say, they are resigned to watching the cartoons and not the Disney shows with real people -- or trolls.


Jamie and I still can't seem to comprehend that he actually said that.  We've heard the both of them say some things that would have had them eating soap if this were the 60's, but "ugly troll?"  That was a first.

As the night was winding down but the kids still had the energy of a Red Bull and Vodka, I told Jamie I think I might just go hide.  Addie, in her most excited voice, immediately stopped whatever loud and obnoxious thing she was doing and asked if I wanted to go play hide-and-seek.  Sure, I told her. You go hide.

Are your kids this crazy?!

Sleep? What is sleep?

Where was your five-year-old at 6:20 a.m. today? Mine was shirtless, kneeling next to me on the bed. She had that creepy-kid look on her face ala, "The Shining."  Then she taps me on the shoulder, suddenly wide awake as I lay there about 75% asleep.

"If you go to the app store on your phone, computer or iPad you can download Disney Junior games. Dad, do you know what an app is?

I suddenly wondered if there was an app that would keep pre-schoolers in a deep sleep until at least 8 a.m.  I couldn't even answer that.  I just told her to go back to bed.

"I can't! I'm hungry," she huffed. "Will you make me some cinnamon rolls?"

That is how my morning started and also what I get for sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door.  At that point I wished I was four again and would soon be forced to take an afternoon siesta.  I love that little girl more than almost anything, but I wished she loved sleep just as much.

Alas, as I eventually headed out the door to work, with Ollie's snot on both my shirt and pants, guaranteeing a part of him would be with me all day, I knew there would be no nap.  Where did I think I was, Spain?

Once I arrived home it was a night of "normal" craziness that only a house with three children less than seven could provide, but nothing out of the ordinary.  However, I am quickly learning Mitch may not have the humble gene.

As I was talking to him about soccer camp, he was telling me there were a lot of girls there.  He said three of them liked him.  I asked him how he knew.

I might be biased, but yeah, he's pretty much a soccer stud!

"Because they kept coming near me when they were dribbling," he said.  "Oh, and they were flashing their eyes at me because I'm so good at soccer."

Whoa! Time to back the cocky train up.  We had words about how we don't go around talking like that, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but be proud of his confidence.

Then, the young stud, who claimed he had girls flocking to him, asked his mommy and daddy to come upstairs and tuck him in to bed.  Now, that's a little more like it.

Are your kids this crazy?!

Too good for their own good!

So, it seems the craziest thing my children have done lately is behave.  I probably shouldn't be complaining about that but it makes writing this blog a whole lot harder.  Of course there have been the occasional brother-sister spats from the older two the past week and more whining than I care to deal with, but it could be a lot worse.

Even while behaving though, Addie sure can say some crazy things.  She was so sweet to me on Father's Day.  She drew me pictures, gave me tons of hugs and then said I could pick her clothes out for her Monday because "it's Father's Day night."  I said ok and walked over to her closet. But before I could, she said "I know which one you can pick.  It's the one that says I love my dad."  So that was me "picking" out her clothes.

Earlier that day I was lying down playing with Oliver and she came over and started fanning me with a clothes hanger.  You know the old-school wire ones with paper you get from the dry cleaners?  She said I was a king and deserved to be fanned on Father's Day.  I thought that was a little strange, but I went with hit.  However, I had to end it when she, for some only-God-knows reason, started singing, "I'm sexy and I know it." I'm seriously considering removing all TVs and radios from this house.

I know some of the shows she watches really have helped prepare her for kindergarten with brain teasers that range from problem solving to math.  Yet phrases like, "You ruined my life," and the aforementioned (in an earlier entry) "I want a big 'ol slice of Justin Beiber," Jamie and I could go without.  Just the other day we all were watching a Disney show,  "Let it Shine."  There were two young kids having a rap battle and Addie tells us, "Hey Mom and Dad, those two are clowning on each other."

Chip showing Uncle Stu and me how not to hit our drives "curvy."

Speaking of clowning on people, Chip played his first round of non-putt-putt golf on Father's Day with me and my Uncle Stu. After Stu and I hit our tee shots in the trees, Chip landed one down the middle of the fairway.  Later, as we were walking off hole one, we congratulated him on a nice bogey. In his humble manner, he says, "How come you guys have done this before and I'm the only one who hit it straight? You know, when I'm Dad's age I'll be just like Tiger Woods." Later that night during a Skype session with Jamie's parents he told them Stu and I kept hitting our balls "curvy" while he was hitting them straight.  So I figured it out, I just need to stop hitting the ball curvy.

Are your kids this crazy?!

*Don't worry I don't have dreams that Chip will become the next Tiger Woods, or even the next Bubba Watson, and live vicariously through him. Have you seen me play?  I'm just hoping he breaks 100 and can tell me what that feels like.

"The Worst Day Ever!"


This past week the kiddos haven't really been that crazy.  Jamie and I even went on a trip last weekend for our anniversary sans kids. The report back from grandparents was a good one -- although we are wondering how much they actually left out.  When we left to go however Addie started crying and clinging to Jamie which in turn made Ollie start screaming and crying, as snot ran out of his nose like a water hose.  My dad had to pry Addie off of Jamie as we left, and the whole scene reminded me of some day care from hell.  Five minutes later all was good and we were on our way to the beach.
OK, so this certainly wasn't the worst day ever considering it was our seventh wedding anniversary.  But if you ask Addie it was.

You know how kids can be.  The fact their peanut butter and jelly fell on the ground can equate to the worst day ever.  For Addie her worst day included staying at home, playing, taking a nap, watching TV, eating at McDonald's, having a picnic dinner and driving around and exploring some new areas of the city.

Must be a pretty rough life.

In reality though it was tough on her at times.  We planned on going to eat the picnic dinner somewhere on the James River but got a little lost and realized we had about 5 miles until we ran out of gas.  So we pulled over and headed through a field, thinking we were close to the river.  Instead we ended up just walking through knee-high grass until we reached a ledge that no stroller was going to conquer.  Addie almost conquered it by falling, and then rolling down. Luckily I knew she would be heading over to peer down and I ordered her back before she could lose her balance, which, inevitably, she would have.

So we found a spot with some not-so-high grass and ate dinner with the chiggers.  We then filled up and drove around by the river only to hit a dead end.  A friendly security guard at Dominion Power told us about a few things in the area, including Hollywood Cemetery, where my grandmother is buried.  We decided to drive there, and after going through two other cemeteries we thought were it, we finally made it to the entrance to the famous cemetery right at eight o'clock -- only to find the gate locked.  The only thing left to do was head home, shower and head to bed.

So, not the most fun for a five-year old. In fact so not-fun that we were labeled "worst mom and dad in the world," because we broke our promise of playing soccer at the picnic and there were no swings anywhere near the spot we decided to eat.  However, we quickly bounced back to "best mom and dad" after we gave them Mickey D's nuggets and french fries.

Craziness come with cleaning


Just to show you how crazy my kids are (or at least the boys) take a look at the picture below.  Chip actually asked if he could clean up and Ollie quickly chipped in (no pun intended).  Notice Addie is nowhere to be found because cleaning up and her go together like Red Sox and Yankees' fans.

After the boys finished cleaning Chip had the rest of the night planned out.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wash my hands, turn the TV on and relax."

Must be nice to be six.  It's too bad we take for granted the freedom and naivete we have as kids.

Are your kids this crazy?

Normal equals crazy


Just because there are no broken bones, ER trips or catastrophic meltdowns doesn't mean a night at the Norris household isn't crazy.

I walked in the door at 5:36 p.m. By 5:40 the following occurred:

• Addie locked Chip and Ollie in the playroom.

• Addie was sent to her room for "sassing" and saying "whatever" to her mom after being reprimanded for the above bullet point.

• Ollie and Chip put on a dance show while Chip sang "I just met you." (Why my two sons were involved in this and not my daughter still doesn't make sense to me.)

• Ollie climbed up on a chair and "checked his facebook status."

How does so much happen in such a short period of time?  Their energy levels are amazing.  They just make parents feel so old.

Not long after the four-minute stretch of craziness, the kids weren't done.  On top of dinner, normal playing and a little Disney Channel, all three managed some level of craziness.

Chip was late to dinner and had some privileges taken away because it took him literally 10 minutes to turn the TV off and come to the table.

Ollie was just all over the place. He threw ping-pong balls down the steps, fell 87 times, banged his head on the kitchen cabinet and set the table with baking dishes.

Addie changed in to her bathing suit for no reason -- it was raining and 65 degrees outside. After dinner she wanted a cup cake.  It's a long story, but we had some with Justin Bieber plastic rings on top.  She offered up this gem while asking for one.

"I'd like a big 'ol slice of Justin Bieber."

I really didn't know what to say.  I almost just walked out of the house.

Are your kids this crazy?